Genius Baby

Letter from Scammer:
 

My Dear Sir,  I am Mr. Bryan Rodwell, I am a British citizen, 59 years Old. Am thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation/Lottery in London and africa many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over GBP50,000 while in the London, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

I need money for a layer. Please send 300USD to my account and I will share my winnings with you. 
Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mr. Bryan Rodwell
108 Crockett Court.
Kings Way London UK.

My Response:

Dear Mr. Rotsmell,

I am a United States citizen, 9 months old. I understand why you would be thinking of relocating after not being paid your fair share of money in winning the lottery. I dare say that I too would boycott my country if they treated me thus, and if I were a little older. Here is a picture of me and my dog. I'm the one on the left. Yeah, I know I need to lose a few pounds, but it's just, as they say, baby fat, so be nice, old man.

As you can clearly see, there's no way I can drop any coin into your bank account. You could borrow my pacifier if you think it may calm your nerves. Works wonders for mine.

So I can't give you money. Fortunately, for you, I am a genius who plans on becoming an attorney when I am allowed to take the Bar exam. For now, I can only provide free legal advice that is based upon my own study and is not backed by any official stamp of approval to practice law. This means that you may take or leave my advice as you see fit.

I studied up on the laws regarding your case and I believe you have something here. If you could send me the actual documents you received from the various...um, this is really embarrassing, but I have to do a poopie. I'll be right back.

...and back. Again, my apologies. I hate that I have essentially no control over when my body wants to engage in ejecting waste.

So I read up on your documents and I think you have the makings of a solid case.

I have walked around, a few steps at a time only because, if you'll recall, I'm only 9 months old. Frankly, some people are surprised I'm walking at all. I don't know what the fuss is about. Left foot, right foot, left foot, and so on. Anyway, so I checked the newspapers and other resources as I strode purposefully through my parent's living room.

You know what I found?  I'll tell you what I found, Mr. Roachkill. I found a mirror and some of my mommy's wigs. It was so much fun playing dress up for a bit as I contemplated your case. One of the wigs seemed to suit me perfectly, being that I'm a shoe in for Mensa as soon as I can actually speak. Believe it or not, people don't understand half of what I'm saying these days. If it wasn't for my ability to type I'd be relegated to grunting and incoherent babble for all of my communication.

The good news is that I DO have an answer for how you can get your money; the bad news is that it's time for night-night now.

Good luck Mr. Rodenthell. Good luck, and good night.

~Gene I. Usbaby